


Crawl Through the Dark (Just To Feel Your Heartbeat Against Me)

by itsemmalie0821



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Post Season 1, Teenage Hormones, two idiots in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25817344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsemmalie0821/pseuds/itsemmalie0821
Summary: John B and Sarah are gone. JJ, Kiara, and Pope are left in the Outer Banks to deal with their grief and what's left of their group. But then Barry and Rafe have a bone to pick with them.
Relationships: JJ & Kiara (Outer Banks), JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks), JJ/Kiara/Pope (Outer Banks)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 66





	1. Take Me To Your Heart, For It's There That I Belong

One month. It had been one month since two of her friends, two of her best friends had headed straight into the eye of that stupid storm. Sometimes it didn't feel real. Kie swears she just imagined that whole night. Maybe she imagined the whole summer, the gold and the Ward Cameron of it all. There’s a few brief, blissful seconds every morning when she’s just coming into consciousness that she believes she did imagine it all. And for those few minor seconds, her brain manages to believe that. But it crashes down on her all over again that she’s down two people in her life. And they’re not coming back.  
Everything is different now. Everyone looks at her with pity filling their eyes, so much that it’s almost too heavy to bear. It’s pity that Sarah was dead; pity that John B, Kie's best friend, was a murderer, or so they thought because they didn't care enough to learn the truth. It just makes it worse having everyone in the Outer Banks look at her like that. It reminds her that she lost someone; that she lost people. But there’s nothing she can do. So she ignores them, lowers her eye-sight, eager for the day when people will stop staring and concern themselves with their own problems. She wishes she could lean on her friends. Pope’s been MIA since… that night. His dad was not too pleased to hear what he had been up to with his friends lately. Neither were Kie's parents, but they let her have a longer leash since she wasn’t the one who ran out on a life changing scholarship interview. And there’s JJ. JJ was still there, thank god. They stayed close by each other, each of them needing the crutch the other provided, especially for those first couple of weeks. It was like nothing had changed.  
Only that’s not true. Because now Kie was starting to realize how she always looked at him, like he was the most perfect human to ever exist. She would be lying if she said she didn't have a little crush on him a couple years ago when they were younger. And by ‘little crush’ she means that probably every other journal entry 12 year old Kie was making was about JJ. But he was her friend. He was her best friend. So she developed that stupid ‘no pogue-on-pogue macking’ rule and forced her feelings down. Over time, it became easy to trick herself into thinking she was over him, that it was merely prepubescent hormones that fueled the crush she had on her blonde friend. She could watch him at parties, hitting on girl after girl and not feel jealous. JJ would put his arm around her and she wouldn’t be filled with the wild butterflies that used to drive her insane when she was younger.  
But now… it was like a backtrack. She could barely look at him without having to fight off the urge to kiss him. Every bone in her body tensed up and completely relaxed all at the same time whenever he casually threw his arm over her shoulders. John B was gone. She lost him. And it’s got her thinking ‘hey, you should tell people how you feel about them while you can because you never fucking know when they’re going to drown at sea being chased by the police, right?’ But no that’s crazy because this is JJ. He hits on every girl. Kie was sure it was just part of his DNA at this point. If he felt that way about her, he would have made a real move on her, like John B and Pope had. Maybe if this was a year ago, she would be willing to make this huge leap into the unknown and tell him about her feelings. There was just too much at risk now.  
The messy and complicated thoughts swirling around in Kie's head were put to a brutal stop when she looked up and saw Rafe Cameron leaning against her car. He had that smug smile glued to his face and Kie was sure she could throw up just being within a few feet of it.  
“Hey Kie,” he smiled. He was so painfully casual for someone who murdered a sheriff in cold blood. It was eerie.  
“What do you want, Rafe? I’m really not in the mood,” Kie replied, stopping in her tracks as he walked up to stand right in front of her, a little too close for comfort if she’s being honest.  
“I’m here to help you Kie.” Kie couldn’t help but scoff at the statement coming out of his mouth. “Barry didn't forget you and your little pogue friends stole $25,000 from him.”  
Kie wanted to remain strong and stand in front of Rafe like she didn't care about his words, but truthfully she had forgotten all about Barry and his stupid money. There was kind of a lot going on with her. But she couldn’t, and absolutely wouldn’t let Rafe see her scared.  
“So why are you telling me this?”  
It was Rafe's turn to scoff now. “You think your little pogue boyfriend can protect you?”  
“We did pretty well for ourselves last time. If I remember, and correct me if I’m wrong, you got the shit beat out of you by Pope,” Kie smirked.  
She could see Rafe's facial expression change from the confident look he usually sported. Admittedly, she probably shouldn’t be antagonizing a guy she knew for a fact was a psycho killer drug addict, but sometimes she just couldn’t stop herself. He was so easy to make a fool of sometimes. Plus they were on a busy street in the middle of town, what the hell was he going to do?  
Kie tried to walk around him and get to her car, ready for this little interaction to be over, but Rafe grabbed her arm and pulled her back.  
“I could protect you Kie. He’s going after JJ. But I can get Barry to leave you out of it,” he explained. Kie ripped her arm away from his grasp. She knew exactly what he was getting at. And she wasn’t going to fucking have it.  
“And let me guess, the price for your protection is me letting you put your dick inside of me?”  
Rafe looked down at her with a look she couldn’t quite place for a mere moment, before, almost as if he could feel himself fall from his ‘cool’ exterior, he plastered that smug smirk on his face again. “You know Kie, at a certain point you’re going to have to stop pretending like you don’t want it.”  
“And at a certain point Rafe, you’ll hopefully drop dead,” Kie was quick to throw back. She turned around to leave again and this time Rafe didn't stop her.  
“You’ll regret this, Kie!” she heard Rafe's scratchy, slightly shaky voice yell after her.  
She didn't even bother turning around to yell back “Yeah I’m sure I will, asshole!”  
If Kie had known during her kook year that making out with Rafe Cameron once at a party would mean she would have to deal with him for the rest of her life, she would have never done it. The fact that he also tried to hold her down and force her to do more because he was drunk and he was an asshole probably would've stopped her too. But should’ve, could’ve, would’ve right? Maybe it was just something she had to learn the hard way. Sarah tried to tell Kie that her brother was no good. ‘Innocent flirting’ was what Kie called it. She was at Sarah's house constantly, so running into Rafe was easy. He was charming. It makes Kie a little sick now to think of using that word to describe him, but he was charming. He always knew what to say to make her blush. Rafe was endlessly flirting with her and sometimes, Kie thought it was harmless enough to flirt back. ‘He’s just trying to sleep with you.’ Sarah tried to warn her. But Kie liked the idea of him being into her. All the kook girls wanted Rafe, and he wanted Kie. So she kissed him at that stupid party. She barely made it out of the room that night. And for some reason, she was never quite able to escape Rafe. She went back to her boys and to the pogue life not long after but Outer Banks was a small place.  
Rafe plagued her brain for the entire drive to the cut. She pulled up to the familiar house, a smile finally appearing on her previously worry-driven face when she saw JJ laying in the hammock, smoke curling up out of his mouth as he smoked.  
JJ had been staying at the Chateau since the night John B and Sarah died. The police had long given up on it and it technically still belonged to John B’s Uncle T, who for whatever reason was still paying rent. So JJ crashed there. Kie was glad, the last thing she wanted was for him to be home with his dad, especially since he found out JJ stole his precious boat. Plus, it meant Kie could come over freely. She brought him food a lot, leftovers from The Wreck she would sneak into to-go containers at the end of the night before her dad threw away all the food they didn’t sell that day. It was a small, but much needed sense of normalcy, that they could be there in their usual hang out spot and drink beer and smoke and laugh like they used to. They could pretend for a few brief minutes that everything was the same as it used to be.  
Tonight was no different. Kie ordered them a couple pizzas and JJ brought a case of beer out from the fridge. The two were in the kitchen talking, JJ anxiously awaiting the pizza being delivered, claiming he hadn’t eaten all day. He was digging crumbs out of a box of Cheez-Its as Kie pulled another beer out of the fridge and went to hand it to him.  
“Oh you’ll never guess who all but cornered me at my car today,” she suddenly spoke up, handing the beer off to JJ.  
“Who?”  
“Rafe,” Kie answered, eyes rolling as she hoisted herself up onto the kitchen counter.  
JJ’s head suddenly popped up, nearly giving him whiplash, at the sound of the name he hated so. His gut already churned at the name since they were kids, the king of the kooks. The only thing making it worse was the fact that it came out of Kie’s mouth. He knew of their history. He knew what that asshole did, or tried to do, to Kie.  
“What did he want?” he asked, his voice suddenly strained, his anger threatening to spill over. Kie seemed not to notice the change in his tone, too distracted with her own finger picking at the label of her beer bottle and peeling it off piece by piece.  
“It was about Barry,” she finally answered after a moment of silence. Looking up at JJ now, she noticed his jaw clench. And she understood why. Now they were discussing two assholes, not just one. “He told me Barry’s coming after us for taking that $25,000.”  
JJ stood still. Kie wouldn’t say it, she was too good of a friend to say it, but JJ knew taking that money was on him. He stole it from Barry. All of his friends tried to talk him out of it, tell him he was going too far, being too impulsive, even for him. But he didn't listen. And now they all had to deal with it. JJ’s heart sank.  
“Why would Rafe be telling you that?” he asked, suddenly remembering that day Barry and Rafe ambushed them while picking up The Phantom. He hadn’t thought much about it that day, too much on his mind understandably. Were they working together or something? Does Rafe get a discount on his coke if he helps Barry with his problems now? “And why the hell would he tell you and not me? They know I’m the one that took it.”  
Kie looked away, knowing that she couldn’t tell him the full truth without JJ blowing up and threatening to kill Rafe right here and right now. But pogues don’t lie to each other. She took a deep inhale of breath before looking back up at her blonde friend with his tense, locked shoulders and focused eyes. “He was just being an asshole.” She stopped there but the look on JJ’s face told her that was not enough information for him to be satisfied. “He told me he could get Barry to leave me out of it. If I… let him… if-if we..,” she stuttered, trying to find acceptable words to replace ‘if I let him fuck me’ because that would surely get the worst reaction.  
JJ seemed to understand just fine. He slammed his beer bottle down on the counter so hard, Kie flinched. It was by sheer luck that the glass bottle didn't shatter into tiny pieces from the force. Without even a word, JJ pushed away from the counter he had been leaning on, but Kie was quick to stop him.  
“JJ! Please don't worry about it! We have way bigger issues than Rafe being a jerk right now,” she pleaded. As much as she knew Rafe deserved to get his ass beat, for several reasons, right now was not the time. And besides, looking at JJ right now, not a bruise in sight, all of the deep cuts and purple bruises from a month ago long faded away, she wanted him to stay like that. She liked non-bruised JJ.  
“I don’t want him around you, Kie!” JJ’s harsh and serious tone spoke, seeming to not notice the idyllic way Kie was staring up at him.  
Kie came back down to earth and couldn't help but chuckle at his words. “That makes two of us.”  
“I’m serious Kie.”  
At this point in their friendship, Kie could read JJ like a book. There wasn't an expression she couldn't immediately place or a mood she couldn't decipher. Looking up at JJ right now, she saw a seriousness that she had seen before. It was a look that almost seemed reserved for her. It almost seemed out of place on his face whenever she saw those blue eyes turn sick with concern. It made her feel vulnerable to have him looking at her like this, it always did. Her heart would sink deep into her chest, probably looking for a place to hide because having JJ look at her like she’s the most important thing in the world was too much for her to handle sometimes. But she couldn't help the feeling of safety that overtook her bones whenever he was with her.  
“You tell me if he comes around you again.” JJ’s voice was quick to interrupt her thoughts.  
‘Pining, Kie. You mean pining,’ she thought to herself, knowing it’s never just thoughts she had about JJ anymore.  
“JJ, I don’t need you to protect me. I can take care of myself,” she smirked, trying to find a way out of the vulnerable softness this conversation had trickled into.  
She also felt it necessary to remind JJ that as much as she appreciated his inclination to protect her, she was more than capable of looking out for herself.  
JJ didn't seem convinced. “Kie. I know you can. But Rafe is dangerous. I’m serious, you tell me if he comes around you again, alright?”  
There was that damn look again. Clear as day on his face. And Kie couldn't help but sink into it.  
“Alright,” she whispered.  
She tried not to think too much of it. JJ was always protective of his friends. Even when they were younger and he would get into fights on the playground because some mean kook kids would push Kie off the swing or tease pope about how much he liked to read at recess rather than play like the other kids. JJ was protective. It was who he was. And he was right, Rafe was dangerous. Sometimes it was hard for Kie to come to terms with how dangerous he was now. She knew him before all of this. He was… well ‘nice’ doesn’t seem like the right word exactly but he wasn’t a complete asshole. At least until he tried forcing himself on her. But even then he was just some asshole kook. Kie didn't see him as an actual threat. He wouldn't even start fights with the pogues unless he had 2 or 3 friends backing him up.  
But now he seemed off the rails. He was always irrational and impulsive. Half the time he was coked out of his mind and the other half he was just angry. He was a killer now. He shot and killed a police officer and didn't seem as affected by it as he should. And his new friendship with a dangerous drug dealer was just the cherry on top. So JJ had a right to be worried right? The look in his eyes wasn't a new one and so what if they were standing unusually close at this point in the conversation.  
But here they were standing in their dead friend’s kitchen. JJ was giving her that look and Kie was trying ridiculously hard to push away every little voice shouting at her to just lean up and press her lips to his. If she didn't know any better, she would swear JJ was doing the same. She looked at the way his eyes would trail down to her lips before seeming to force themselves back up to her brown eyes. Soon he broke away entirely, clearing his throat and grabbing his beer bottle to take a larger than normal sip.  
She had to be imagining it; the moment they just had. She would blame it on JJ having too much to drink and probably still holding onto a little high from the blunt he smoked before she had arrived.  
She had to be imagining it.  
Not too long later, the pizza had arrived and the two teens were sitting out on the front porch, an open box of pizza next to them. They were passing back and forth a blunt that JJ had rolled somewhere in between their second and third slices of sausage pizza. It was quiet. Kie figured JJ was just high, probably preoccupied and distracted by the news that Kie had given him earlier. Her fingers twirled around the joint she held, inhaling another quick puff before extending her hand to give it back to JJ. He didn't seem to notice the weed in front of him.  
“JJ?” she spoke up, blowing the smoke out of her mouth. He still didn't move, more distracted than Kie had ever seen him. “JJ,” she spoke again, nudging him on the shoulder.  
Finally he looked up, his eyes wide like he was worried he missed her saying something important. Kie shook the joint lightly in front of his face, giving him a little grin. He took it from her with not much more than just a similar grin.  
“Are you ok?” Kie asked. She didn't really expect him to give her an honest answer. It wasn't like JJ to be open about his feelings, even with Kie. But she felt like she should ask. Barry was probably the topic of his thoughts and they were in that together.  
“Just thinking,” he answered under his breath, actively keeping his eyes down on the half burnt joint in his hand.  
“About Barry?”  
“Fucking Rafe,” he said even quieter than his last reply, before lifting the joint up to his lips and taking a deep inhale.  
Kie probably wouldn't have even heard that answer if it wasn't completely quiet outside, just the crickets chirping in the background. But she did hear. And with the weed sinking deeper into her system, she couldn't seem to stop the question she knew she shouldn't ask come out of her mouth.  
“Why do you hate Rafe so much?” she questioned.  
JJ’s head shot up to look at her and a chuckle made its way out of his mouth. “Is that a real fucking question?” he asked.  
“No! I mean… I know why you don't like him. I get it, trust me. But it just seems different JJ. Our problem is with Barry. Rafe’s just his little lackey. But for some reason, you’re stuck on Rafe right now. It seems personal,” Kie spiraled. She figured the question was already out in the open. Might as well get some answers.  
“You know you should hate him more than anyone Kie. After what he did to you,” JJ demanded.  
“That’s my own problem with Rafe. It’s not your job to… I don't know,” Kie paused to think of the right word, “avenge me!”  
“It’s not about revenge Kie!”  
“Then what’s it about, JJ?”  
There was a pause as JJ and Kie stared straight into each other. JJ’s brows were furrowed in frustration and the last thing Kie expected him to do was laugh, but that’s exactly what he did. He turned away from his friend, an unreadable grin on his lips. Taking another hit to finish off his joint, before putting it out on the scratched wood of the porch floor and tossing it into a nearby ashtray, he looked back at Kie.  
“You know what? Fuck it. You want to know the reason I hate Rafe so much?” he asked, his attitude way too evident in his tone of voice. Kie gave a blunt nod, her energy matching his. JJ was way too many joints and beers in to stop himself from being so honest, knowing he was about to share a secret he had planned on taking to the grave. Looking into her eyes, he wasn't sure if their typical calming presence would drive him further into telling her or if they would chase him away, afraid that a negative reaction on Kie’s part would take away that look forever. He looked away and took a deep breath. “What is it about Rafe that you’ll hook up with him, but you won't with me?”  
Kie could swear she didn't hear him right. Because that can't be his problem right? He’s jealous? Kie tried to think of a response, knowing complete silence was probably the wrong way to react to JJ’s question. His confession? She didn't even know what to call it. He wasn't looking at her, but Kie still felt the need to narrow her eyes, fixing them from their previous wide gaze.  
“JJ i dont care about Rafe,” Kie finally spoke.  
JJ’s first response was to scoff at her. “Yeah you don't care about the guy. That’s why you dated him and made out with him and-”  
“JJ! I barely dated Rafe! It was like a month of group dates and playful flirting that didn't mean anything when I saw him at Sarah’s house. I made out with him once when i was drunk and you know how that ended up. So Rafe is really the last person that you should be jealous of,” Kie ranted.  
“There was obviously something you liked about him more than me Kie,” JJ retorted, not even bothering to deny the jealousy that had been growing inside of him for years whenever Kie was with any other guy that wasn't him.  
Now it was Kie’s turn to scoff. “God JJ you are so stupid,” she said more under her breath than out loud. She scooted closer to him, now facing him, her legs pulled up and pressing into him. “Do you know what happened when everything went to shit with Rafe? I lost him. I always knew that was a possibility and I didn't care because it’s Rafe. I knew I would get over it and I wouldn't think twice about not having him in my life. If you and me ever got to that point, where we’re more than friends and everything goes to shit and I lost you…,” Kie paused, catching JJ’s eyes with her own as he turned his head to face her, “I don't think I would ever be able to not have you in my life, JJ.”  
Kie examined JJ’s face. For the first time since they met, she couldn't read his face. She had no idea how he felt about what she just said. It felt nice to get that weight off her chest, the little one sitting next to the weight of probably being in love with her best friend. But she was scared now. Scared that JJ would pull away from her, retreat into his own brain like he did when he was in danger of being too vulnerable, but this time he would never come back out. She wished she could take back her confession. She wished she could go back to before she even asked about fucking Rafe and never start this conversation. She didn't like where it was leading. This scary, unknown path where neither her or JJ were saying anything after she said she couldn't imagine losing him and he admitted to being jealous over a kook. With John B and Sarah gone, enough was different. Anything else changing was too much to bear right now. JJ was the last thing she had and she didn't want it to change.  
She looked away first, the silence and heavy eye contact suffocated her.  
“It doesn't even matter, JJ. I mean we’re just friends right? And there are a hundred other girls that you can sleep with on this island,” she laughed it off.  
JJ’s eyes hadn’t moved from her, even though she insisted on keeping her eyes far away from his direction at this point. He was about to nod, go with what she was saying, take the out she seemed to be giving him. They’re friends. He had heard it before from her, more times than he would care to count. But right now, he felt just the right amount of alcohol hitting just the right part of his brain.  
“You think this is all about me wanting to sleep with you? Have you not been there for the past 5 years of me flirting with you?”  
“JJ you flirt with every girl! What am I supposed to think?” Kie retorted, still not turning her eyes to JJ.  
“You’re supposed to know that you’re different, Kie. You’ve always been different than all those other girls.” JJ didn't know how to stop himself. He was getting dangerously close to saying something he could never take back.  
“What does that mean, JJ?”  
JJ turned away. He wasn't good at vulnerable. He could turn back now. He could just get up and walk away. Kie would surely drop it. But he felt the dangerous words working their way up his throat, about to spill out. Almost too quickly, they were there.  
“I’m so stupid into you.”  
Kie felt like she was suddenly under water. Everything around her went fuzzy and JJ’s voice washed out, muffled in sound. A ringing in her ears grew as she tried to process what she had just heard. He liked her. His feelings were the same as hers. She should be jumping up and down like an excited child on Christmas morning, but she sat there frozen instead. Every ounce of her brain was trying to work up strength to say something. Anything. But nothing came out. Her arms seemed to be the only thing about her body that worked right now. She reached up slowly, ruffling her hand in his blonde hair. He turned to look at her, not sure what to make of her reaction. Her fingers were in his hair, but she still had that stunned look on her face.  
JJ braced himself for what he was sure was going to be Kie turning him down, repeating her phrase ‘we’re just friends’ to him for the billionth time. He sunk into her hand as it moved to his cheek, engulfing him with warmth. He was sure he would never feel this comfort again. This was a different kind of affection than he and Kie had ever shown each other before and he was already terrified of losing it.  
Although JJ was sure he was about to be shot down, effectively ruining his relationship with his best friend and one of the only people he had left, he instead saw Kie starting to lean forward. Afraid he was imagining it all, he did nothing. He just let himself focus on the soft hand of hers that was still pressed lightly to his cheek. Soon Kie’s breath was on his mouth, her lips hovering just over his. She stopped, maybe coming to her senses, JJ thought. But then her lips jolted forward and connected with his. Shock ran through JJ’s body as he felt Kie move her lips slowly on top of his. He opened his mouth, letting her slip her tongue in. This wasn't a dream. This wasn’t some weed induced hallucination. This was real. Kie was kissing him and he suddenly felt like an idiot for sitting there without kissing back for this long. His strong hands reached over and grabbed onto Kie’s waist as she started to comb both hand’s fingers through his blonde locks. JJ’s mouth opened wider, begging her to keep the kiss going. She indulged, deepening the kiss. What she meant to be a peck, just to see if he would push her away or disappear entirely, turned into a feverish kiss of passion that she couldn't turn away from even if she wanted to. She was in too deep, the feeling of his hands gripping her to keep her near him pushing her completely over the edge. She wasn't sure how much time had passed with the two of them connected by the lips, but she suddenly felt the need to breathe, reluctantly pulling away. It didn't last long, only getting a couple good breaths in before JJ cupped her cheeks with his hands, pulling her mouth back to his. Smiling into the kiss, Kie lifted herself up and threw her leg over JJ’s lap, straddling him. Her arms snaked around his neck, connecting behind him, unwilling to let go for as long as possible.  
Maybe it was the alcohol or the weed that made Kie feel so lustful, even though she knew the only influence she was under was a shared joint and barely two beers. Or maybe she had just waited so long for this moment that she didn't care how fast it moved. But she was suddenly very aware that she wanted JJ’s shirt off, and her own, and everything else for that matter. Unsnaking her arms from around his neck and letting JJ’s skillful tongue moving around inside her mouth fuel her, she moved her hands to the hem of JJ’s shirt, tugging at the hem. JJ pulled away reluctantly. Kie was suddenly afraid she had moved too fast, that she scared him.  
“Are you sure?” he asked in a whisper, his face still so close to hers that she could feel his heavy breath on her lips.  
Kie nodded, never feeling more sure about anything in her entire life. Not that she needed it, but she had no time to rethink her decision as JJ got up, lifting her into his arms and allowing her to wrap her shaky legs around him. Her mouth found its way back to his as he carried her inside with little trouble. He placed her on the pullout bed in the living room, taking off his shirt and throwing it to the floor before joining her. Kie ran her fingers over the contours of his abs, trailing all the way down his chest. God she had always wanted to touch him like this. Every time he took his shirt off to surf or swim, she couldn't help her curious eyes from wandering down his body, her mind racing wondering what it would be like to touch him just like this. Their mouths pulled away momentarily so JJ could lift Kie’s shirt up and over her head, throwing it down by his on the floor. No time was wasted as his confident hands unbuttoned the button on her denim shorts, pulling them down with ease. Even through his shorts, Kie could suddenly feel JJ’s pulsing bulge grow as he steadied himself on top of her. His lips moved to pepper small kisses on her neck. She leaned her head back, allowing him full access to the canvas. A moan escaped her mouth as JJ’s fingers rubbed against her clit through her underwear. She wanted him, desperate to have him inside of her.  
This wasn't her first time, she had had her own casual hookups before, usually after a boneyard party with a little alcohol in her system. But this felt different. She felt connected to the boy on top of her. It was an unusual feeling; to want this to be moving faster, anxious to feel JJ’s cock pleasuring her, but also to never want this to end.  
Kie reached down, her fingers fumbling with the button on JJ’s shorts, not nearly as skilled as he had been. JJ was in the middle of sliding the strap of Kie’s bralette off her shoulder to press kisses to her collarbone. He paused to help Kie, taking his shorts off with surprising agility. Kie sat up, reaching to pull off her bralette, finding herself unusually comfortable with being shirtless in front of JJ. A strong hand stopped her as it wrapped around her arm suddenly. She looked up to find JJ looking at her with that look. Protective and strong and endearing. For the first time, she was ok with the vulnerability that look brought upon her.  
“Are you really sure?” he asked, panting.  
Kie had never been more sure of anything.  
Maybe this would change things. Hell this would probably change everything. But right now she didn't care. She just wanted his hands on her again, his lips covering every part of her body. She smiled up at him. Her hands finished their own job of pulling off her bralette, exposing herself to her best friend; her JJ. The blonde seemed unphased, his eyes softening and seeming less concerned than they were seconds ago.  
“Yes, JJ, I’m sure,” Kie smiled.  
JJ leaned forward slowly but Kie reached out and pulled him onto her mouth, making him laugh at her impatience. She couldn't help it. She had waited too long to know how good it felt to kiss JJ Maybank.


	2. Tattoo Your Name On My Heart, So At Least That’s Permanent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ’s thoughts the morning after + some bro time.

Morning light seeped in through the windows of the Chateau’s living room. Kie could feel the brightness even behind her closed eyelids. As her brain worked its way into full consciousness, Kie suddenly became very aware of a body shifting behind her. Then an arm tightened around her. Her eyes burst open, a move she instantly regretted as she blinked wildly for a moment to adjust to the bright morning sun. Slowly, she twisted her body to find JJ behind her, his arm wrapped around her as she laid with her back pressed into his chest. Shirtless chest, might she add.   
Every memory, each intense second from the night before suddenly rushed back into her head. The way JJ’s hands had caressed her like she was a priceless work of art that needed to be respected and cared for was burned into her brain. The taste of his kiss, the sound of heavy pleasure that escaped his lips as he buried himself deep inside of her. It was all hers to remember.   
She laid there, examining the boy’s face as he laid beside her on the lumpy pullout couch. The sunlight coming into the room bounced off his blonde hair and glowed on his skin. Kie resisted the urge to reach up and touch him, lightly trace the outline of his jaw. He was so damn good looking. He had always been like that, at least to Kie. She found herself wishing his eyes were open so she could have just a moment to get lost in those ocean eyes of his. They seemed to shine a little brighter last night, as they looked into hers. But she grinned, knowing that was probably just her imagination.   
Kie shifted more, turning her body around fully to look directly at JJ. He had always been a deep sleeper, so it didn't surprise her when her rearranging body and the effect it had on the springy mattress they were on didn't wake him. He stayed in his deep sleep as calm as ever. JJ was never more calm than when he was sleeping. It was the only time he wasn't bouncing off the walls or talking at about 100 words per second. Kie and Pope swore he had ADHD. A little piece of golden hair had fallen into JJ’s face and Kie could no longer resist lifting a hand to push it lightly back, taking a second to let her hand rest tangled in his hair. It wasn't until now that Kie noticed she was clad in the blue t-shirt JJ had been wearing the night before. She brought it up to her nose, inhaling it for a second. A grin sat on her lips as she realized it smelled exactly like salt water and weed. It was JJ. As much as she loved the soft warmth of the worn cotton shirt, she reminded herself she would have to take it off before going home. Her parents would for sure have some questions if she walked in-  
‘Oh shit,’ she thought, eyes suddenly wide. ‘My parents!’  
Kie didn't know what time it was and she suddenly wished there were more clocks in the Chateau’s living room. Why weren’t there more fucking clocks? She bolted upright, suddenly much more awake than she was a minute ago as she realized she had not told her parents she was staying at a friend’s the night before. Considering two of her best friends had just died, assumably drowning to death in a horrible storm, her parents had been giving her a lot of free reign. Much more than Pope’s parents were giving him. But because the two or three days leading up to John B and Sarah’s death had consisted of Kie not returning home or even telling her parents of her whereabouts, they were pretty strict on at least letting them know where she was. The answer was usually that she was with JJ, because she usually was with JJ as of lately. Her parents never pretended to be excited about that answer, but they understood they were grieving their dead friends together. In the past month, she had only stayed the night with JJ a couple of times. But she always lied to her parents, saying she was staying over with a different friend or at least that Pope was going to be with them. Kie knew her parents liked Pope, they trusted Pope. Way more than they trusted JJ for several reasons. It was his dad and the whole Maybank family and his reputation on the island. Not even Kie’s parents could escape knowing at least a little of JJ’s notoriety with girls considering The Wreck was a popular spot for teens to hang out and they may have overheard a conversation or two about it. They would not be pleased to know that their daughter spent the night with him alone, grieving or not.   
Kie could tell it was still early. The light outside still had that dewyness to it that would without fail disappear before 9AM. Maybe she could get home before her parents woke up? No. She knew that was impossible. Her parents were no doubt already awake, her dad preparing to open the restaurant in a couple hours and her mom probably up with worry about where her daughter was. Shit.   
Kie got up from the bed with impressive speed, throwing JJ’s arm off of her in the process. JJ’s eyes fluttered open as Kie rushed around trying to gather her clothes that were spilled all over the living room floor. By the time JJ was awake enough to focus on Kie running around the room like a crazy woman, she had her underwear and shorts on. She was in the middle of stripping his shirt off of her body to replace it with her bralette when she turned and saw JJ awake. He didn't say anything at first. He was propped up on his elbows on the bed, staring at her with curious eyes. His hair was a floppy mess on top of his head and Kie just wanted to crawl back into bed with him and comb her hands through it.  
“Hey,” he quickly said, breaking through Kie’s thoughts.   
“Hi,” she replied in a voice so soft that she herself had never heard it come from her own mouth. JJ blinked his tired eyes a few times, trying to adjust to having them open. The look on his face and her memories of last night were almost enough to make Kie forget everything else. To hell with her parents. To hell with Barry and Rafe. To hell with being afraid of the group changing. It had already changed for the worse. Maybe she deserved this change for the good. They both did.   
But that would have to wait. She needed to go home before her parents got so mad they decided she could never leave the house again.   
“I have to go!” she blurted out, noticing that JJ was opening his mouth to say something. “I have to go home now. I just, I-I, I have to go,” she stuttered, all of a sudden not sure why she was so nervous. Her eyes moved away from the blonde, afraid his looks alone would lure her back into the bed. She started to search instead for her discarded t-shirt, soon finding it half under the couch.   
“Damn. Was it really that bad?” JJ asked, breaking his eyes away from watching her search.   
Kie looked up at him. “What?” JJ sat up now, pushing his hair out of his face and pushing it back over his head a few times. It was a nervous tick of his that Kie had picked up on a couple years into their friendship but never mentioned. Suddenly, she realized what she had said and how it must have sounded to JJ. It sounded like regret. She quickly stood up, moving to put on her shirt. “No! JJ this isn't about you or about last night! My parents are going to be pissed that I didn't tell them I wasn't coming home last night.”   
JJ looked up at her, searching her face for any trace of lying or any further evidence that she regretted what they did last night. As well as Kie could read JJ, he could read her just as well. He was incredibly perceptive, more so than anyone gave him credit for.   
“Oh. Ok.”   
Kie wanted to talk to him. She wanted desperately to tell him that she didn't regret the night before and that she had been waiting so long for that moment with JJ that it all kind of felt surreal in the best way possible. She wanted to crawl back onto the couch and tell him it’s ok to be scared because she’s scared too but they’ll get through all of this together. She wanted to kiss him more and touch him more and be touched by him so much more. But she knew they didn't have time. Not right now. She needed to fix shit with her parents because a full house arrest stopped her from even getting the chance to do any of that with JJ.   
“Have you seen my phone?” she asked, pulling a page out of JJ’s book and deflecting.   
“Um, yeah. You left it on the kitchen counter,” he answered her quietly as he started to play with the rings on his fingers.   
Kie had become very familiar with those rings last night. The cool metal sliding against the skin of her inner thighs like a ghost. And then sliding into her as JJ skillfully searched for her G-spot, the spot that caused his name to roll off her tongue with a moan.   
‘Get a goddamn grip, Kie.’   
She tore herself away from the scene to enter the kitchen in search of her phone. Right where JJ said it was, she found it laying on top of the kitchen counter, close to the spot where JJ made her promise to tell him if Rafe caused her any more trouble. She clicked on the screen to see 10 missed calls from her parents and texts telling her to come home or call them, each one sounding more angry than the last one.   
Marching back out to the living room, she grabbed her bag and looked at JJ. “My parents are pissed and they called me like a hundred times. I have to go home,” she explained, pulling on her shoes quickly.   
“It’s cool, Kie. You don't have to explain it to me,” JJ grinned. Kie could tell it was an honest grin. It wasn't angry, but there was a hint of disappointment twisted up somewhere in that grin, too.   
“I’ll try to get them to calm down and I’ll come back over tonight, alright?”   
JJ just nodded, thinking she would come over like she always did. They would sit in awkward silence for a little while, probably smoke and then they would agree to never discuss last night. JJ was ready to spend the whole day mentally preparing to hear Kie tell him that it was fun and a good way to forget about their problems, but it wasn't going to happen again. Kie was about to speak when a loud ‘ping’ noise went off from her phone in her hands. Yet another text from her dad was rolling in, asking where the hell she was.   
“I have to go! But I’ll see you later,” she said, backing up towards the door. She gave it a minute to see if JJ would say anything, but he stayed silent, his gloomy eyes watching her leave. Knowing there was hell waiting for her at home and she didn't have much time to waste, she turned on her heels and walked out the front door. She had barely made it down the steps of the Chateau before she stopped dead in her tracks. She was already in trouble. A few more seconds were not going to kill anybody right? Truthfully, she didn't know if her parents would let her out tonight or tomorrow. Who knows when she would be with JJ again. Might as well get something to hold onto for the time being. Ignoring her less than perfect logic, Kie turned and marched back up the steps. She swung the rickety front door open and went in with no hesitation, turning to the pullout couch. JJ looked confused, since she had been so adamant about leaving less than a minute ago.   
“Hey what are you-”   
She kissed him. More than soft, but not quite as heavy as the night before. She didn't know if she would be able to stop if she kissed him that hard. But she kissed him. JJ wasted no time in kissing back, bringing his hand up to cup one of her cheeks. The kiss was sure and strong, both teens addicted to the feeling of having their lips crushed together like this. Kie pulled away, holding her forehead to his for just a split second before pulling all the way back.   
“I’ll see you tonight,” she grinned.   
Once again, she got up from the couch and moved towards the door. This time as she left they held their gazes with matching, shit-eating grins glued to their faces. Soon she was gone, this time staying gone. JJ heard her car start up outside and drive away until he was sure it was just him on the property. He threw himself back on the bed, throwing his hands up to cover his face. Even though he was the only one here, he still felt embarrassed by the abnormally large grin he couldn't seem to get rid of.   
He felt dazed. Like he was living in some weird dream world where he actually knew what it was like to kiss Kiara and have her kiss back. None of it felt real. This had to be all part of some high he couldn't come down from. Not that he wanted to come down from it. He would stay up there on that cloud forever if it meant Kie was up there with him. Kie, of all people. So beautiful and brave and strong. She was his best friend, always had been, right there next to John B up high on JJ’s shelf of special people. Kie, the one who was always probably too good to hang out with their little group, but did it anyway.   
Kie.   
The name kept repeating over and over in his head until the perfect bubble he had been sitting in popped and left him low. This was fucking Kie he was talking about. She could get any guy she wanted, even if she refused to think that herself. She had thoughts and feelings about things that mattered. Kie was getting out of Outer Banks because she had the money and the brain and talent to do it. And JJ was just… JJ. He was the one who was never leaving Outer Banks because no one in his family had ever left this fucking island and it was just his destiny to stay and be a fuck up like his dad. There was no way Kie wanted in on that. They were best friends and now… he wasn't sure. Friends with benefits? Let’s make out to forget the fact that our friends are dead? JJ dragged his hands down his face, thinking of all the questions he had.   
It was too early to be awake. Way too early for JJ to be laying here obsessing over all this crap. He dragged himself up from the pullout bed and shuffled out to the porch. He grabbed everything he needed to roll himself a quick joint, making it with skill from much practice. Just something to put him back to sleep. He knocked out quickly, sprawled out on the pullout. As much as he liked having so much room to himself, he couldn't deny he missed the small body he had been grasping onto the night before. He fell asleep with thoughts of Kie, good ones this time. Not the confusing, slightly heartbreaking ones that plagued him after she left.   
Waking up again around noon, he dragged himself off to the shower. Standing under the hot water, he came to a conclusion. Whatever Kie wanted was fine with him. Whatever kind of relationship she was willing to give him, he would take it willingly. Even if it was just them going back to being friends. That was much easier said than done, he knew, since now he was painfully aware of how good it felt to have her body under his. But he could push it down. He could remember last night on his own time and force himself back to friendly laughing and platonic touches when he was around her. If that's what she wanted, he would do that. For her.   
JJ got out of the shower under the impression that he just had to wait out the remainder of the day before Kie came over that night. Then she would be honest with him, tell him what she wanted. He could know for sure what the night before meant, the kiss this morning even. He just had to wait out the day. 

From: Kie  
Parents are super pissed. I gotta lay low at home tonight… I’ll come over tomorrow with lunch. Promise! 

Or not. JJ reread the text message ten times before putting his phone down on the nightstand in the spare room at John B’s. The ‘spare room’ was technically Big John’s old room that then became JJ’s after Big John’s disappearance. JJ still insisted on calling it a ‘spare room’ rather than his own. And he had barely even stepped foot in John B’s room since everything happened, only if he really needed something out of there.   
He dug through his bag of clothes he had grabbed from his house to find a t-shirt to throw on. He refused to unpack, calling it laziness when Kie asked him why he was still living out of a duffle bag. In reality, he feared that the second he unpacked his stuff, got too comfortable here, shit would fall apart. He couldn’t put a finger on why he felt like that, but he held onto it.   
He slid the grey shirt over his head when he heard soft footsteps on the front porch outside. He threw his head up, standing perfectly still, shirt only half on, trying to listen for anymore sounds. The muffled sounds of shuffling feet were all he needed to hear before reaching under the side of the bed’s mattress. It’s where he kept his gun. He felt safer sleeping with it right there under his mattress in case he needed it. Right now, all he could think of was Rafe’s warning to Kie. Barry was coming after them. He settled the gun in his hand, finger on the trigger feeling much too comfortable with the cold metal in his hands. The front door opened and closed and the footsteps were suddenly in the house. JJ made careful steps to the bedroom door, readying himself to shoot if he needed to. The footsteps got closer and closer, coming down the hall like they knew exactly where to go. Without hesitation, JJ bolted out the door, pointing the gun up to the intruder.   
“Woah, man! What the hell!?”   
JJ breathed a sigh of relief, bringing his gun down as he saw Pope in front of him. The boy had his hands up in terror, stumbling back a little, obviously not expecting to be met with a gun to his head when he entered the tiny shack of a house.   
“Sorry, Pope. But jeez announce yourself! Don't just walk in like that,” JJ grunted, walking into his room to put the gun back in its place under the mattress.   
Pope stared at his friend with squinted eyes, suddenly aware that the blonde was gasping in short breaths, trying to calm down. He was more worked up than Pope was and Pope was the one who just had a gun pointed at him a second ago. He didn't mean to freak him out but they always just walked into the Chateau. It was kind of part of the appeal of the place, that they could all just come in when they wanted or needed. JJ did it more than any of them.   
“What’s going on? Why are you so scared right now? And what the hell is with the gun, JJ?” he questioned.   
JJ took a couple more deep breaths, turning away from Pope as if he hadn't already seen the worried gleam in his blue eyes. “Nothing. Sorry,” he replied, not actually answering any of the questions Pope just posed to him. Before Pope could get another word in, JJ turned to him. “What are you doing here Pope?”   
“I can’t come see my friend?” Pope countered, a little offended.   
He had to admit, he understood why JJ was slightly confused at his presence. The two hadn't spent much time together since John B died. Pope’s parents had him on pretty strict lockdown, understandably angry about the lying and illegal mischief that had led up to him and his friends being questioned by the police for aiding and abetting a suspected murderer. Not to mention, his dad was still furious about his son running out of his scholarship interview to help his friends with, again, more illegal activities. So there hadn't been much communication between the two in the past few weeks. As far as Pope knew, there hadn't been much communication between any of them. The copious amount of time JJ and Kie spent together wasn't something he knew about. Neither JJ nor Kie knew why they kept it from him. They guessed they just didn't want him to feel like they were moving on without him. But they needed each other’s presence, they couldn't wait until Pope was done with his house arrest. But they missed Pope. It was starting to feel like their little pogue family had been cut in half instead of just down by one member.   
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I just haven't seen you in too long, brother,” JJ grinned. He walked over to Pope and wrapped his arms around him, patting his back. Pope’s arms soon extended around his friend. JJ pulled back first, cupping Pope’s face in his hands, getting a good look at him. “You look good man! Did you get taller?”   
Pope laughed, remembering just how much he missed his best friend’s joking nature. He could have really used it over the past few weeks. The time had been hard. And today he was finally able to convince his dad to let him have a day to see his friends. Well, actually he convinced his mom, who then convinced his dad for him.   
“I thought we could all take the boat out into the marsh. Like we used to. You, me, and Kie,” Pope suggested.   
Honestly, it sounded great to JJ. He and Kie took the boat out sometimes, but it never felt the same.   
“I think that’s a fucking great idea,” he smiled. “But Kie can’t come out today.”  
“How do you know?” Pope asked, curious of how JJ could know what Kie could and couldn't do since the subject of all of them spending the day together came up literally 10 seconds ago. JJ froze. Fuck.   
“She, uh, told me not too long ago. She texted,” he answered, not really knowing how to get around telling Pope he hung out with Kie constantly while Pope had been pretty much banned from seeing them until now.   
“You guys are talking? Like hanging out?”   
JJ was usually a master at coming up with lies. On the spot, faster than anyone else. The boy could lie. But this was Pope. It was his best friend and JJ was finding it hard to lie to his face. So he turned away, walking out of the room and making his way to the kitchen, suddenly in dire need of a beer.   
“Just for the past couple of days. I guess her parents are pissed about something. I don't know what,” JJ lied through his teeth now that his back was to Pope’s face. The two boys arrived in the kitchen and JJ turned straight to the fridge, pulling out two beers, handing one to Pope. “But we could still take the boat out. You and me?”   
Pope nodded, a smile a mile long growing on his face.   
Soon the boys were out in the middle of the marsh with a case of beer and the half eaten pizza from the night before, Pope unaware that it had sat out on the porch for most of the night before JJ bought it to the fridge that morning while grabbing his weed stash and rolling paper. Pope was so happy to get out of the house and be with a friend, rather than cooped up in his house with his dad’s death glare on him. And JJ had no idea how bad he needed a boy’s day. As much as he loved spending time with Kie, and he would spend every second of every day with her if she asked, he needed some guy time.   
The boys were swimming and splashing, every problem and worrisome thought that had before plagued their heads seemed to disappear. Somewhere in between their cannonball contest off the side of the boat and seeing who could chug their beer the fastest, there was a moment where they could swear nothing had changed. John B wasn't gone and Kie was just their best friend and not the girl awkwardly trapped between Pope having feelings for her and JJ sleeping with her the night before. Barry wasn't after them and Rafe had been shipped off somewhere far away a long time ago. For a few hours, out there in the marsh on the trusty HMS, they were free.   
The sun was starting to set, both boys exhausted from a long day, they settled into their spots on the boat. They each grabbed a new beer out of the cooler chest with the now melted ice, popped the caps, and clinked their glasses together. JJ looked up at Pope, who still looked like he didn't have any problems. He knew that was a lie, though. The boy had no scholarship, a strained relationship with his dad, a dead best friend, Kie had turned him down, and, oh yeah, there was a drug dealer after him. There were tiny little moments throughout the day where JJ would suddenly feel the weight of all of his problems settle in his chest, pressing down on him until he shook them loose with another cannonball into the water. During some of these moments, he would remember Barry. He went back and forth on whether or not he should even tell Pope. He didn't want to involve him. It was bad enough that Kie was involved, when they all knew it was JJ who took the money. Surely, Barry and Rafe knew it was him, too. Maybe they wouldn't even bother with Pope. But now sitting here looking at his best fucking friend, JJ no longer wanted to take that risk. He would rather Pope be anxious and know what’s going on, rather than be blissfully unaware that a drug dealer could show up at his home any minute.   
“Pope,” JJ leans in, placing his beer next to him on the front of the boat where he’s sitting. Pope looks up, too unsuspecting for what he’s about to hear. “There’s something going on that I think you need to know about.”   
At this point, Pope could tell it was serious, leaning forward in his seat. “What?” he asks carefully.   
“It’s, uh- it’s Barry.” JJ doesn’t quite know how to break it to him. It’s not easy telling someone that a vengeful drug dealer is after you and your friends. Especially not when that friend is the worrier of the group. “I fucked up, man. When I took that money from him. He didn't forget that we took it; that I took it. And he’s coming after us to get it back.”   
Pope just stared for a minute, taking in the information. At that moment, JJ could swear he literally saw Pope‘s chest get heavier. Just like JJ had felt all of his problems weigh him down earlier, Pope was feeling it now. JJ felt awful. Never had he remembered making a more impulsive decision. He could see the disappointment and fear in Pope’s eyes as he looked back at him. Kie hadn't looked at him like that, but then again Kie is the one who told JJ about this new problem they had to face. She was probably disappointed too, just better at hiding it than Pope was.   
“Did Barry tell you that?” Pope asked.   
“Rafe told Kie yesterday.”   
The mention of Rafe made Pope shudder, too many bad memories. Questions filtered through his head like a damn light show. What the hell was Rafe doing hanging out with Barry? Barry was his dealer, but when the fuck did he become his partner or friend or whatever the hell they were?   
“He told Kie? Is that why you and Kie have been talking?” Pope asked, trying to fit all of the puzzle pieces together. JJ didn't have the heart to tell him he only had half the pieces.   
“Yeah. She came over last night to tell me and we talked about it. Just for a little bit. And she went home,” JJ lied again.   
Luckily, Pope had too many other things on his mind to notice the lies coming out of JJ’s mouth. JJ was a very convincing liar, but Pope just knew him very well. Sometimes he could be pretty good at spotting a lie. Now was thankfully not one of those times.   
“What are we going to do? We don't have that money! You spent it!” Pope was flying off the handle and JJ suddenly felt twice as bad as he did before. Not only did he feel completely guilty for getting them all into this situation in the first place, but now he went and ruined the one day of freedom Pope had been able to have since John B and Sarah died. “Maybe we can return all that stuff? And we might have to sell some stuff. A lot of stuff. And-”   
“Pope!” JJ interrupted. It was better to stop Pope now than let him go into full blown meltdown mode. JJ didn't have an answer to any of his questions. In hindsight, he and Kie probably should have been talking about real options last night instead of spilling feelings and having sex. Not that he regrets it. But maybe it wouldn't have been bad to slide some actual conversation in there. Hearing Pope ask real question after real question about their very real situation, JJ felt wildly underprepared to deal with Barry. “Look we will figure it out alright! Kie’s supposed to come over to the Chateau tomorrow so we can figure this out.”   
“I’m coming over, too,” Pope said, more determined than JJ had heard him be in a long time.   
“Is your dad going to let you?”   
“I’ll figure something out. This involves me. I was there that day and Barry knows that,” he explained. JJ knew he was right. As much as he wanted desperately to leave Pope and Kie out of this mess, he knew they were already in it. Just being there with him that day had them tangled in this dangerous web. They had to figure this out together. “I’m coming over. The three of us will figure something out.”   
The two boys didn't talk much after that. They finished off their beers in relative silence and then Pope said he had to get home, his dad wanting him back before dark. JJ made his way to the wheel, turning down Pope’s offer to drive the boat back. It would be a welcome distraction to JJ. He knew once they docked, Pope would take off and there wouldn't be much to distract him for the rest of the night. Kie wasn't coming over to watch movies with him like she normally would, there was no John B in the house, and with only 2 beers left in the fridge, JJ knew there wasn't even enough alcohol to lull him into a comfortable sleep.   
And there was a bed waiting for him that now seemed so damn empty without Kie in it next to him.


	3. I’ll Wear Your Sadness Like It’s Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: kidnapping; brief mention of implied attempted rape. 
> 
> This chapter is a little heavy in the first half but some wonderful fluffy Jiara to make up for it in the second half!

Kie wasn't really sure how she fell asleep. The second she stopped thinking about the bullshit they were in with Rafe and Barry, her brain would conjure up thoughts of JJ. It was a vicious cycle that seemed to taunt her endlessly as she tossed and turned in her bed for what seemed like hours.   
She wanted to talk to JJ, figure out what they were now. But then the thought of bringing up what had happened between them, the words they exchanged, it terrified her. She was sure those words that came out of his mouth were fueled by the alcohol and weed in his system. He was horny and drunk and high and upset because John B isn't with them. All of those explanations burned their way into Kie’s brain until it’s the only thing that made sense. He couldn't feel about her like she feels about him, not really. Maybe he was just trying to hold onto her. He had already lost a lot. It would be all too easy for him to use some fake confession to get her into his arms and keep her there.   
No.   
No JJ wouldn't do that to her. Sure JJ hooked up with girl after girl and made little to no effort to make a connection with any of them. Most of the time, he barely remembered the girl’s names. Kie always gave him shit about that. But she knew why he did it. JJ hated connecting with people, giving himself to people in a way that could hurt him later. He kept so much of himself locked away, only opening up to a few people. But he craved love and a touch that was more love than hate. So he found girls that were in it for the same reasons as him; girls from the Cut who just wanted a good time, kook girls who were embarrassed hooking up with a pogue and didn't want it to go beyond one night anyway, tourons who were leaving after a week. It was his comfort zone.   
But she was Kie. He opened up to all of 3 people in the world and she was one of them. He wouldn't lie to her or hurt her or play with her feelings because he was feeling low. She hated even thinking that of him.   
There’s a moment Kie remembers, throwing the covers off of her, her annoyed eyes looking at the clock on the nightstand. 1:12AM. God she just wanted her brain to shut up! For a moment, she found herself wishing JJ was here so he could roll a blunt that would put her right to sleep. But then her brain trailed off to thinking about all the other reasons she wished JJ was here. She pulled the covers over her head quickly, shutting her eyes so tight it stung.   
Somehow not too much later, she fell asleep. Her eyes reluctantly opened in the morning, burning in the late AM sunlight. Kie laid in bed for a while, eyes trained on the ceiling over her. Today she promised to go see JJ. She wasn't sure how it would go, it could have that awkward air surrounding it, the kind of air that comes with sleeping with your best friend. JJ had texted her the night before, letting her know he had told Pope about Barry. It was probably for the best Pope knew. But Kie was still surprised JJ told him, she thought he would for sure want to leave Pope out of this as much as he could. Kie’s eyes rolled to the back of her head, now thinking for the first time that she’ll have to be in the room with both Pope and JJ. She hadn't seen Pope since they talked a week after John B’s boat went down. It was the ‘I’m sorry I kissed you. I don't have those feelings for you and we should just go back to being friends’ talk she was dreading. It was the actual scenario she was trying so hard to avoid by initiating the ‘no pogue-on-pogue macking’ rule that ran so deep through their friend group. Now she had to deal with the aftermath of that and the sticky uncertainty of her and JJ. Oh and there’s a drug dealer coming after them, which is the actual reason for all of them meeting today and what should be at the forefront of her brain but isn’t. Today was really not about to be her day.   
Wanting to do nothing but crawl deeping into her bed, buried so far under her covers that no one could find her, she sighed. But she couldn't do that. She couldn't hide. Everything had to be dealt with. It was unfortunate that it all had to be dealt with on the same day, but this is just life, she thinks.   
She pushed the blankets off of her and dragged her socked feet to the bathroom to shower. The shower may have lasted a little longer than it needed to, but she’s allowed to stall a little bit. Luckily, she still had to pick up food for lunch and that could provide a little more time to distract herself. Or overthink in peace. Whichever one. She pulled on a pair of denim cut-off shorts, a cropped t-shirt, and her favorite vans, pulling her backpack over one shoulder. Walking downstairs, she realized her parents were gone, probably already at the restaurant. She would send them a text later saying she’s with JJ, hoping they're not still too mad about her not coming home the other night. Everything was normal. She went to the kitchen to down a glass of juice before heading out her front door, locking it behind her. She was fiddling with her keys in her hand, trying to find her car key in the messy jumble of metal keys. Just as she was about to open the driver’s side door, she felt a harsh hand grab her arm. There was no time to process anything before her whole body was thrust forward so her head could connect with the side of her car. Her eyes went blotchy, fading slowly to black as she fell to the ground. A figure, black and that she couldn't make out, stood in her eyeline as she looked up, trying to fight unconsciousness. But it soon overtook her.   
JJ didn't sleep much better than Kie. He considered himself a deep sleeper. Once he was out, he was out like a light. Especially if he smoked, which of course he did last night because he was positive he wouldn't be able to sleep without weed. But you would never guess that about him from how he had tossed and turned the night before. It was like he couldn't get comfortable. The blanket was thrown off and then pulled back on repeatedly like his body temperature didn't know how to make up its mind. He wasn't sure if maybe he just had too much on his mind that the idea of sleep couldn't actually even fit up there. But sleep didn't find him until the early hours of the morning.   
Now it was almost lunch time. Kie would be over soon. They had some time to themselves with Pope helping his dad until the evening. JJ wasn't sure how Pope convinced his dad to let him come over again, but it was only for a couple of hours and only after he did deliveries all day. So for the majority of the day, it would really just be Kie and JJ. Which the blonde didn't have a problem with. He missed her. More than he ever had when she was gone. He chose not to think too much into that, still deciding he was going to let her decide fully what their new relationship was.   
JJ stood in the Chateau’s kitchen, knowing full well they were out of beer and hoping Kie would bring some or at least be down to go get a case with him. The wild buzzing of his phone went off, shaking violently against the hard tiles of the kitchen counter. Looking over, JJ saw Kie’s name on the screen and smiled.   
“Hey! I hope you’re on your way with lunch. I’m starving,” he grinned, peering into the fridge to see if there was anything for him to nibble on.   
“Well she’s definitely not on her way, I’ll promise you that,” a slick voice on the other end of the phone replied. The voice, rough and full of a smug arrogance, was immediately recognizable. JJ slammed the fridge door shut.   
“Barry?” It was posed as a question. JJ was hoping, praying, he was wrong but knew he wasn't.   
“Damn on the first guess, too. You’re smarter than you look Maybank,” he laughed on the other end.   
JJ froze. Barry had Kie’s phone and that could only mean one thing: he had Kie. Everything inside of JJ burned. His free hand curled into a tight fist, his short nails digging into his palm. “Where is she, Barry?”   
“Don't worry. She’s fine.”   
Barry didn't even need to ask who. JJ was surprised he didn't take a second to joke, play a game and pretend he was confused by JJ’s question. That somehow made JJ more nervous. Barry wasn't joking around anymore. It was serious and he wanted his money. The money JJ definitely didn't have.   
“Barry!” JJ yelled, finally breaking through being nervous and was now just angry. His fist flew against the wall, ignoring the pain in his knuckles from the contact. “If you even touch her, Barry, I swear to God-”   
“Oh I don't think it’s me you have to worry about. Rafe’s keeping her company in the back,” Barry interrupted, all too happy to tell JJ that, like he knew exactly what it would do.   
“I will fucking kill you!” JJ screamed, dragging his hand through his hair, pulling at the ends in more frustration than he could imagine.   
“No! You’re going to give me my fucking money, Maybank!”   
“She doesn’t have anything to do with this-”   
“She does now!” Each one of Barry’s words sounded angrier than the last. JJ could scream, shout out every cuss word he knew and every horrible threat he could come up with. But for once in his damn life, JJ controlled his impulse. This time it wouldn't be him on the receiving end of Barry’s anger, it would be Kie. “You know where I live. You come here and we can talk,” Barry offered, sounding calmer now, like he knew he was winning.   
JJ caught his breath for a moment before grunting out a furious “Fine.”   
Hanging up the phone, JJ realized he had never felt more helpless. His dad could have beaten him into a fresh pulp or 10 kooks could have him cornered in a fight he had no way of winning and he still wouldn't feel as helpless as he did now. Even when he took the fall for Pope, got arrested and faced every repercussion from that, he didn't feel this helpless. He had no idea what to do. He didn't have the money. It was sitting outside in the form of a luxury hot tub and a generator that now wasn't even necessary with power restored to the Cut.   
JJ grabbed the van keys and ran out the door faster than he thinks he’s ever run in his life, bee-lining to the van. Almost as if on auto-pilot, he starts the van and finds himself driving to Heyward’s. He doesn’t even know if Pope is there. He could be out doing deliveries but JJ knows he has to try. Involving Pope even more was the complete opposite of his original plan, but he needed someone else there. In case things went south with Barry, someone had to get Kie and leave.   
Luckily as he pulled up to the shop, Pope was there, cleaning something on the dock. He looked up confused as JJ came running over to him. With broken sentences and stuttered words, JJ explained what was going on, thankful he had explained the brunt of it yesterday and was now saving valuable time. Pope’s dad was not happy, watching his son sprint off to the van with his reckless blonde friend, shouting something about an emergency. JJ’s brain took over, knowing exactly which roads to take to the beat up trailer. Pope’s hand was gripping on the handle of the door, slightly afraid for his life with how reckless JJ was driving. But he didn't say anything. The white knuckled death grip JJ had on the steering wheel as his foot pressed the gas pedal until the van was going at least thirty miles over the speed limit was enough for Pope to know JJ wouldn't slow down for anything right now. Not when Kie was in danger with Barry, and worst of all, Rafe.   
Kie refused to cry, not with Rafe sitting right in front of her, his grin alone striking fear into her. He hadn't tried anything yet. Not really. Mostly just due to the fact that Barry had forbidden him, acknowledging that if she was hurt, there was nothing to keep JJ from hitting back, rather than just give them the money. She wasn't sure how long that would last though, since Rafe was incessant with asking Barry. ‘Just a little fun. Please?’ It was only a matter of time before he wore Barry down and he let Rafe take her into the back room and this time not just to keep an eye on her while he calls JJ.   
So yeah, god damnit, Kie wanted to cry. But she wouldn't let these two see her like that. So she kept a brave face, stern on Rafe or eyes wandering around the messy living room like she was disgusted by her surroundings. And she knew JJ was coming for her. He had to be.   
“Barry, come on! He’s taking forever!” Rafe growled, his fingers tugging at each other as he was probably wanting another hit of coke.   
“Be fucking patient,” Barry bit back.   
“Maybe I could be more patient if I had something fun to play with,” he replied, eyeing Kie as she sat across from him, arms crossed in front of him.   
“Go choke, Rafe,” Kie spit out, rolling her eyes and trying to stay strong.   
Barry looked between the two of them like an annoyed parent whose kids won’t stop fighting. Kie knew it was coming when she saw his eye roll. She knew if JJ didn't show up within the next 60 seconds, she was in trouble.   
“Fine. Go in the back. But take it easy,” Barry allowed.   
Rafe wasted no time and was in front of Kie in less than 5 seconds. Kie pushed him away, jumping off the couch. She knew she couldn't go far with Barry sitting closer to the door than any of them with a gun in his hand. But she had to try. Rafe grabbed her waist, causing her balance to fumble as she came crashing down to the ground. She brought her hand up with a tight fist and brought it down on Rafe’s face, striking his eye. Doubling back, more in shock than in pain, his grip on her loosened. Kie wiggled out from underneath him. The adrenaline in her system seemed to fail her and she suddenly found out that fight or flight response was bullshit. Her legs felt like jello, like she couldn't control them in a million years. On hands and knees, she tried to crawl away, but felt her body be picked up off the ground all too easily. Her elbow flew back to Rafe’s stomach but not nearly in the right place, and his grip only loosened a little. He lifted her, her feet now high off the ground and Kie let out a scream. Everything went silent for a minute; then she heard it.   
“Barry!” a voice traveled from outside the trailer. Kie didn't even need to think about who the strained scream belonged to. It was JJ.   
“Drop her,” Barry ordered Rafe, who looked disbelieving that he could really have been so close. “Drop her country club!” he yelled again when Rafe made no move to release Kie from his grip. The gun in Barry’s hand came up, now pointed at Rafe and at the sight of it, he dropped Kie to the ground.   
There was no time to catch her breath, being grabbed by Barry almost as soon as she hit the ground. His grip on her arm, in the space between her elbow and shoulder, was achingly tight. She already knew she was going to have a bruise there. But better a bruise on the arm than what Rafe was about to do to her. Barry dragged her outside and down the steps of the trailer, pulling her along until they stood a few feet from JJ and Pope. JJ stiffened seeing Kie being held in such a tight grip. His fists tightened at his sides, holding himself back from doing something that could get Kie hurt.   
Kie and JJ’s eyes met for a minute, fear running wild in both of their irises. Kie eyes closed as she felt the cold metal of Barry’s gun press against the side of her head. The terrifying sensation had her frozen in place. Even with JJ in front of her, who she knew deep down wouldn't let anything happen to her, she felt frozen with more fear than she had ever experienced. The fear ached in her stomach making her feel like she could vomit. Knowing that just one split second decision from Barry to pull the trigger would end her life, no matter how close JJ was to her. She pushed her own fear down as deep as she could, not wanting to cry now in front of JJ. He was scared enough. She could read him. The shame was evident in his eyes as he looked at her, the guilt building on top of the fear and anger that caused his eyes to look shades darker than they were. Kie could only hope that JJ could resist making one of the dangerously impulsive decisions that he was known for.   
JJ shifted his focus from Kie to the one holding the gun to her head.   
“I’ll get you your money, Barry. Let her go,” JJ demanded, his voice dark and rough.   
“You stole from me Maybank!” Barry yelled, driving the knife telling JJ he was to blame for all of this deeper into his heart. “You don't fuck with me and get away with it!”   
JJ’s eyes flickered to the gun Barry held. His finger clenched, threatening to pull the trigger at any moment. Deep down JJ could guess he wouldn't pull it, knowing if he did, he wouldn't have a hold on JJ anymore. But it was all too close for comfort and Kie’s tight brow line wasn't helping to ease JJ at all.   
“You pulled a fucking gun on us!” JJ shouted, unable to stop the words from coming out of his mouth.   
“JJ!” Pope whispered from behind him.   
A whimper was released from Kie’s mouth as the gun pressed harder against her head. “So it’s my fault?” Barry shouted.   
“No! That’s not what he meant!” Pope butted in. The obviously nervous boy tried to push his way in front of JJ, but the blonde wouldn't let him.   
JJ took a moment to try to calm down. It was just as he feared, his own anger was boiling so close to the surface and spilling over.   
“Look Barry. I’ll get your fucking money. But I’m not leaving here without her,” JJ said, pointing an explicit finger at Kie.   
“I’m not an unreasonable guy. I’ll tell you what, because your old man has been such a loyal customer to me,” Barry began, watching as JJ rolled his eyes at the mention of his dad, “I’ll give you one week, Maybank.” JJ’s eyes were quick to move over to Kie. “And I’ll even give you your girl back.”   
The few feet of distance between Pope and JJ and Barry and Kie disappeared as Barry pulled the brown haired girl forward. Her feet stumbled over the rough terrain, Barry’s grip on her arm not letting up. At this point, it stung and almost made her forget about the cold feeling of the gun to her head. This close, she could feel JJ’s heat radiating off his body and into her space. It was the most comforted she felt in hours, since she was dragged into the dirty trailer.   
Barry and JJ stared each other down for what seemed like hours until Barry spoke. “But if in a week, I still don't have my money, then I'm letting country club back there do whatever the hell he wants to her and I'm putting a bullet in her head. No buts, no negotiations, just my gun and her head. You understand?”  
Kie winced at the harsh words. The image of herself in this same position but with a not-so-happy outcome overwhelmed her. She didn't even notice JJ force out a nod. Kie yelped, suddenly being thrust into JJ’s arms and feeling a sense of relief take over her body. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, lean into his chest and feel safe. But with Barry still in front of them and the gun still firmly in his hand, JJ lightly moved Kie behind him, stepping in front of her protectively. Pope grabbed onto Kie and she fell into his arms. Not as strong as JJ and she didn't get the same feeling she gets when the blonde pulls her into his embrace, but it would do.   
“One week, Maybank. Not a second more,” Barry reminded.   
JJ’s gaze didn't leave the drug dealer as he backed himself towards the van. Kie felt Pope’s arm pull her back, but her eyes flickered up to meet Barry’s. He winked at her. And Kie couldn't resist flipping him off before giving into Pope’s pull on her waist. She climbed into the front seat of the van and was immediately met with questions from JJ beside her. His voice, like an odd whitenoise in the background, didn't completely register as words. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't turn to look at him, her eyes staying trained on a stain on the van window in front of her. His hand lightly gripped at her arm, as soft as he could muster up in his current tense state of mind.   
“I’m fine, JJ,” Kie suddenly blurted. “Can we please just get out of here?”   
Pope agreed from the backseat, and JJ was quick to realize they were right. He gave a tiny squeeze to Kie’s arm, careful not to touch the part of her arm that Barry had clutched earlier. The van came to life as he turned the key and quickly put it into drive before driving off the property almost as fast as he had driven onto it.   
“Do you want me to take you home?” JJ asked carefully once they were back on the road driving into town.   
“No!” Kie cried the second JJ‘s words finished. “No, I don't want to be alone right now.”   
JJ let out a silent breath that he didn't realize he was holding in. He wanted Kie next to him, wrapped in his arms if she would let him. He just needed to know she was here and safe and with him. Somehow he needed to tell her that there’s nothing he wouldn't do to protect her, that’s he’s sorry she had to go through that but it wouldn't happen again. He needed her.   
Looking over at her, he saw her eyes blank, like the emotion had been drained from them completely. They were red in color and as much as he hated when she cried, he wanted her to cry if that's what she felt she needed. He didn't know what to do to comfort her. He wasn't good at this. Asking if she was ok seemed stupid; it was obvious she wasn't ok. When his friends asked him if he was ok after a beating from his dad, he hated it. He figured it would be obvious that he wasn't ok. He always said he was fine, but he figured it was probably obvious he wasn't. And the idea of asking if he was or not just seemed stupid.   
“Are you sure you’re alright, Kie?” Pope asked from the back of the van, obviously not having the same issue with not knowing whether or not to ask Kie that very question. JJ almost forgot Pope was even there in the first place.   
Kie barely moved, just nodding her head, remaining strong in her stance that she was fine. It scared JJ. He knew what it was like to say you were fine, but to have that look in your eye. Like whatever had happened was too bad to even hold in your head and you worked tirelessly to push it to the back.   
The drive was silent after that. JJ caught Pope’s eye in the rearview mirror and shook his head when he noticed Pope was about to ask Kie another question. They dropped Pope back off at Heyward’s shop, despite the boy saying he wanted to stay with his friends. JJ didn't doubt it would help Kie to have both of her friends there. But Heyward was pissed enough after his son ran off the deck with JJ earlier. They couldn't cause Pope anymore trouble at home. Not now when they all needed each other. Pope promised to come over later if he could, like he was originally supposed to. Once Pope left the van, saying his goodbyes to the pair, receiving nothing more than a weak grin from Kie and a gentle squeeze as they clutched hands out the front van window, Pope sauntered into the shop.   
JJ looked at Kie, still seeming to not be bothered by anything. The only sounds she emitted were rogue sniffles every few minutes. Her elbow was propped up on the open window, her head resting on her hand. Brown eyes, usually so full of life and vibrant, were dulled and slick with water that JJ didn't want to mention. He reached over, slow, not wanting to scare her, and rested his hand on her knee. For the first time since they had been in the car, Kie looked over at him. JJ wasn't sure what kind of reaction he was looking for, but he felt slightly comforted by the quaint smile Kie forced onto her face. Their eyes locked. But not for long as Kie pulled her eyes away, trying and failing to hide as she wiped a tear away before it could fall.   
Seeming to comfort her, JJ left his hand on her knee as he drove them back to the Chateau. Even after the van was in park in front of the familiar and comforting house, he didn't move. He wanted to give Kie all the time she needed. After some time, Kie grinned up at him and moved to open the van door. JJ felt useless. He didn't know what to say or do or how to get her to tell him what she needed. She was trying to be strong, he could tell that much. But he didn't know how to convince her that she didn't need to be. Not right now; not with him. JJ left the van, following Kie up to the house. He caught up to her as she bounced up the front steps onto the porch.   
“Kie,” he spoke finally, stopping her as she was about to reach for the front door of the Chateau. She turned to meet his eyes. They weren’t angry like they were before, back when they were standing in front of each other on the lawn of Barry’s trailer. Now the blue orbs were full of sorrow, an abyss that she wanted to throw herself into. “Are you sure you’re ok?”   
Stupid fucking question. ‘Come on JJ’ he couldn't help but curse himself.   
“Yeah, JJ. I’m fine,” she whispered, unable to get her voice any higher without absolutely losing it.   
JJ knew better than to believe that shit. He knew Kie. He knew when she was lying, which wasn't often. But he knew her. Normally he wouldn't push her, since he hated when people pushed him. But this was Kie. This was important.   
“Kie. Come on,” he simply said, stepping closer to her.   
He wasn't sure if it would work, if he could be so indirect and have her still open up. Kie was usually an open book so he figured she would tell him what was going on in her head. What he didn't expect, but maybe should have expected, was to hear Kiara choke out a short, violent sob. She threw her hand up to cover her mouth to shield her from the choking feeling breaking through her throat at this point. All of the efforts to keep tears from pouring out were suddenly pointless as an endless stream of water seeped from both of her eyes. Salty tears soaked her cheeks as she felt strong arms wrap around her.   
Jagged, uneasy breathes broke through each sob Kie released. It all seemed against her will, her emotions breaking through and taking over. The feeling of fear and an uncertainty she had never felt strangled her. She felt buried under the weight of only a few hours; the scariest few hours of her life. The boy in front of her was tall and sturdy, his arms strong around her protecting her from any outside threat. No one and nothing was getting through this barrier that had been built around her. It gave her the permission to break down, her weak fists gripping as hard as she could at his t-shirt. She felt JJ move a hand up to her hair, stroking his fingers through her soft curls.   
“It’s ok, alright. I promise you’re ok. I’m right here,” he repeated over and over in a whispered tone, his voice soothing to her ears.   
Kie realized she didn't want anyone other than JJ here. No one could give her the comforting feeling she had right now, wrapped up in the protective embrace. She just wanted him. Her hands wrapped around JJ, now gripping at the back of his t-shirt. JJ pulled her closer, if that was even possible, his words continuing in her ear. Kie buried her face deep into his chest. She could feel the wetness from her tear soaked face penetrate into the cotton fabric of his shirt. She felt a little bad, but didn't dare make a move to leave JJ’s touch.   
Some time later, Kie felt her legs give way underneath her. JJ felt her falter and gripped her tighter.   
“I got you, Kie, I promise.”   
He moved her shaking body a couple steps, not even making it to the couches on the side of the porch. The two sank down the ground, leaning against the railing lining the side of the rickety porch. Their legs tangled and Kie sucked up as many sobs as she could, still gripping his t-shirt like she was afraid he would disappear if she released any strength. Without thinking, JJ pressed a kiss down to the top of Kie’s head. He rested his chin on top of her head. One hand rubbed her back slowly, trying to diffuse some of the violent shaking of her crying body; the other hand tangled in her hair, every so often pushing free strands behind her ear.   
They didn't move. Not for a while. JJ could feel Kie calming down but didn't push her to talk or get up. She would make the move when she was ready. The fists that before felt like a death grip to his shirt had now softened. One still held onto him, but the other now just laid gently over his chest where the wet spot from her tears had now dried. If it weren’t for the gentle stroking of her fingers on his front, he would think she fell asleep. He has no idea what possessed him to do it, but he pressed another kiss to the top of her head. He couldn't feel it, but Kie smiled into his chest when she felt that. The mid-day wind was starting to pick up and Kie felt a shiver move through her.   
“Do you want to go inside?” JJ asked. Kie nodded, reluctantly lifting her body from the side of JJ’s body. JJ stood up and Kie used her arm to wipe away the rest of the tears that were staining her face. She reached up to grab JJ’s now extended hand and let him pull her up. Their hands stayed together, intertwined by their fingers. JJ lifted his other hand, thumb out to wipe some moisture from under her left eye. She managed to choke out what she felt was her first real smile the whole day. “I’m so sorry.”   
Kie wasn't sure where the words came from. She wasn't sure what he would be apologizing to her for.   
“For what?”   
“I took the money, Kie. You guys all told me not to and I didn't listen because I’m a fucking idiot. Barry took you because of me,” JJ poured out. There it was. Kie knew he blamed himself and maybe a tiny part of her acknowledged that it was probably JJ’s fault. But that was a tiny part of her that she had no problem crushing under her heel.   
“JJ I don't blame you,” Kie spoke, squeezing his hand as it still held hers.   
JJ shook his head, running his free hand through his hair. “You should, Kie!”   
His hand tried to rip away from hers, starting to fall back into his pattern of hiding under a rock anytime his own emotions were the focus of conversation. Kie held on tight. She refused to let him take his hand away. JJ didn't have the heart to try to rip it away again, knowing she needed his hand in hers and much as he did right now.   
“Well I don't!” Kie was getting her voice back now, no longer a prisoner to the sobbing hiccups in her throat. “And I don't want you to blame yourself either! There is no one to blame except Rafe and Barry.” JJ wanted to believe it. He wanted to believe in the words Kie spoke. They sounded so strong and confident coming out of her mouth. It wasn't some prepared speech she had thought up in case he brought up this very topic and she didn't want to hurt him. It was real, coming straight from her heart. There was emotion in her eyes now. Uneasiness swirled around her pupils like they were all stuck in a tsunami. But around that, in between the specks of anxiety and unrest, was love and admiration and something that told JJ she knew she was safe with him.   
Soon, without warning, Kie launched herself forward, wrapping her arms around JJ’s neck. “Thank you for coming for me,” she whispered.   
“Did you think I wouldn't come to get you?” JJ asked, confused what would ever make her doubt he would leave her there with two psychos. They were both quiet for a minute, sinking into the hug. Kie pulled away, wiping more wetness from her eyes.   
“It’s not that, JJ,” she sniffled. “It’s just… it was dangerous.”   
“Yeah it was dangerous. Which is exactly the reason why there’s not a chance in hell I would've left you there. Plus I did tell you I would protect you. I promised you that the other night.”   
Kie’s breath hitched, suddenly being reminded of what had been so heavy on her mind before she found herself basically being a ransom hostage.   
“Right. About the other night, JJ” she started. JJ swallowed his nerves. He knew exactly what she meant by that and he cursed himself for bringing up the other night at all. Right now probably wasn't a great time to talk about this. There was so much going on and Kie had just finished balling her eyes out, more anguished than he had ever seen another human being. She barely left his arms two minutes ago. Maybe she should just have some time to process what happened to her before she and JJ dive into whatever the hell they are now. JJ didn't have much time to process his own feelings before Kie opened her mouth, stuttering before speaking again. “I just-”   
“Kie, can I talk first? Please?” he begged, interrupting her words.   
“Um, yeah, sure.”   
“Look you know I’m not good at this. All this emotions stuff, especially when I’m sober,” he began. He tried to lighten the mood by chuckling at his last few words. But when Kie offered nothing more than a small sympathetic grin, he kept going. “But you deserve for me to try. I have never been more scared of anything in my life than when Barry called me today. I thought I was going to lose you and I don't think I would live through that. Not after everything else that I’ve lost.” His eyes shifted away from Kie. He could feel his stomach flip over the way it does when feelings come into question. When emotions come too close to his surface, he retreats. He runs away until the emotions are far behind him and he can smile and pretend life is all good. Looking at Kie right now, knowing he was telling her how he felt, putting himself up on the podium to be scrutinized by the girl he loves without even knowing how she feels in return; it was hard for him to swallow. He ran his hand through his hair, still feeling Kie’s eyes burn a hole into him. “You’re my best friend, Kie. And I like you so fucking much.”   
“JJ, I-”   
“No just let me finish. I care about you too much to lose you. So you can decide what happens from here. And the other night- if it was just you feeling sad about John B or lonely or- hell I don't know, guilty because I was the last of the pogues you had to kiss. It’s fine.” JJ couldn't even deny he was rambling at this point. There hadn't been much of a plan for what he was going to say. After everything that happened this morning, even if there was a plan, it probably would have flown out the window by now. JJ didn't even hear as Kie tried repeatedly to interject, her voice merely fading so far into the background, all he could hear were his own ramblings.   
“JJ-”   
“And maybe you were just caught up in the moment! And that’s fine, too. We don't have to make anything of it and we can just forget it ever happened if that’s what you want-”   
“JJ! Can you please stop talking for just two seconds?” Kie’s voice begged. JJ brought his eyes back to her. They were calm and steadied on him. There already wasn't much space between them but a few little steps brought Kie’s figure directly in front of JJ. “Look everything that happened the other night, happened because I wanted it to. Not because I was sad or grieving or upset and not because I felt like I owed you something for turning down every move you’ve made on me since we were 12. I slept with you because I wanted to. I kissed you because I wanted to. And in about 10 seconds I'm going to kiss you again, and it will be because I want to.”  
JJ didn't know what to reply to that. What do you say when your best friend, the girl you love more than anyone, tells you exactly what you want to hear? A smile slid its way onto Kie’s face, which JJ was happy to reciprocate.   
Kie was here, in front of him smiling and now sliding her hands up to cup his cheeks. She wanted to kiss him. Not because John B was gone or because she was grateful he had pulled her away from Barry and Rafe. Kiara Carrera just wanted to kiss him. He felt like he could sink down into the ground, his heart was so happy. Her hands were warm and soft on his cheeks, the opposite of how his probably felt. He felt her leaning in, trying to make good on her ‘in 10 seconds’ promise.   
But he’s still JJ. So he has to tease her a little first.   
“What does all of that mean?” he asked, trying his best to repeat the same words she asked him the other night while they sat on the steps, right before she kissed him for the first time.   
She picked up on his teasing, stilling herself. Looking up in his eyes, she felt safer than she had all day. She felt home. She thought back to what his reply was the other night on the steps. The whole conversation seemed to have worked its way into the memorized part of her brain.   
“I’m so stupid into you.”   
She leaned up all the way, closing the gap between them. God she had wanted to do this again since she had woken up. Before then even, she thinks. It’s crazy. She knows it’s crazy that so much shit is going on and here they were making out like two horny teenagers. Hell, this morning she was literally fearing for her life and now she was wrapped up in JJ, feeling his arms slink around her waist.   
It was crazy and ridiculous and irresponsible and probably even selfish to some degree.   
But oh my god, it felt so damn good.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't have to emotional readiness to make this a slow-burn... so here's Jiara sex right out of the gate. More to come soon! 
> 
> FYI the most sure-fire way to get a faster update is to leave comments and kudos! And to send me some lovely messages on my Tumblr (itsemmalie0821)
> 
> Thank you for reading lovies!


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